Wild mood swings....

http://www.wildmoodswings.co.uk/

How to write a paper in college:

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.

2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.

5. Check your email.

6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.

7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.

8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

9. Check your email.

10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

12. Grab some mp3z off of kazaa.

13. Check your email. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!

14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans).

15. Check your email.

16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more.

17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory emarks about your prof, the
course, the college, the world at large.

18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.

19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.

20. Check your email.

21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.

22. Play some solitare (or age of legends!).

23. Check out bored.com.

24. Wash your hands.

25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.

26. Look through your housemate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.

27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

28. Check to see if bored.com has been updated yet.

29. Check your email and listen to your new mp3z.

30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.

31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.

32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

34. Punch the wall and break something.

35. Check your email.

36. Mumble obscenities.

37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.

38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.

39. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Plato: For the greater good.

Aristotle:  To fulfill its nature on the other side.  Karl Marx:  It was a historical inevitability.  Machiavelli:  So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue?  In such a manner is the princely  chicken's dominion maintained.  Hippocrates:  Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.  Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be  discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!  Thomas de Torquemada:  Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll  find out.  Timothy Leary:  Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.  Douglas Adams:  Forty-two.  Nietzsche:  Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road  gazes also across you.  Oliver North:  National Security was at stake.  B.F. Skinner:  Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that  it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be  of its own free will.  Carl Jung:  The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt  necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical  juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences  into being.  Jean-Paul Sartre:  In order to act in good faith and be true to  itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.  Ludwig Wittgenstein:  The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into  the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being  which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.  Albert Einstein:  Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.  Aristotle:  To actualize its potential.  Buddha:  If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.  Howard Cosell:  It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history.  An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement  formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable  occurence.  Salvador Dali:  The Fish.  Darwin:  It was the logical next step after coming down from the  trees.  Emily Dickinson:  Because it could not stop for death.  Epicurus:  For fun.  Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe:  The eternal hen-principle made it do it.  Ernest Hemingway:  To die.  In the rain.  Werner Heisenberg:  We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.  David Hume:  Out of custom and habit.  Saddam Hussein:  This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.  Jack Nicholson:  'Cause it (censored) wanted to.  That's the  (censored) reason.  Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?  Ronald Reagan:  Well,...................  John Sununu:  The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.  The Sphinx:  You tell me.  Henry David Thoreau:  To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.  Mark Twain:  The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.  Mishima:   For the beauty of it. The chicken's extension of its  sinuous legs sent shivers of a dark despair into the souls not only of  the silently watching hens but also the roosters, who felt a sudden sexual desire for their exquisite comrade.  The dark courage of the chicken was as beautiful as drops of dew upon jade at midnight, struck  by a partial moon, its light filtered through clouds. One of the  deeply aroused roosters could stand the intensity of the moment no  more and bit off the head of the beautiful, courageous chicken-hero,  whose wine blood was deliciously drunken by the road, and he died.  Johnny Cochran:  The chicken didn't cross the road. Some  chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right  under the chicken's feet while he was practicing his golf swing and  thinking about his family.  Camus:  The chicken's mother had just died.  But this did not really upset him, as any number of witnesses can attest.  In fact, he crossed just because the sun got in his eyes.  John Sununu (again):  I would argue that the chicken never crossed the road at all.  That it is a story concocted by the Clinton  Administration to distract attention from their failed agriculture policy. Where is the evidence that the chicken crossed the road?  Where, Michael?  Michael Kinsley:  Oh, John, come on!  Everybody knows the chicken  crossed the road.  What evidence do you need?  It's obvious that the  chicken crossed the road.  Your whole argument is just a smoke and  mirror tactic to distract us from the fact that most chickens polled  now back the Democratic Party.  You ought to be ashamed of yourself, John.  Siskel:  I don't know why it crossed the road, but I loved it.  Thumbs up!  Ebert:  I disagree.  The whole thing left the audience wondering; the chicken's crossing the road was never clearly explained and the  chicken didn't emote very well.  It couldn't even speak English! Thumbs down.  Michael Kinsley:  But you both agree it did cross the road, right?  See, John.  I'm right as usual. 

How to tick people off....

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors." Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO." If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think." Practice making fax and modem noises. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." Staple pages in the middle of the page. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise. Honk and wave to strangers. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register. TYPE IN UPPERCASE. type only in lowercase. dont use any punctuation either Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times. "DO YOU HEAR THAT?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." As much as possible, skip rather than walk. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. Ask people what gender they are. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. Sing along at the opera. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Things people said: Courtroom Quotations

• Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
• Witness: "I only have one, you know."

• Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
• Witness: "By death."
• Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

• Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
• Witness: "July 15th."
• Lawyer: "What year?"
• Witness: "Every year."

• Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
• Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
• Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
• Witness: "Er...his face."

• Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
• Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
• Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
• Witness: "My name is Susan."

• Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
• Witness: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."

• Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

Yo momma so fat that when she dressed in yellow and jumped off the empire state building, everyone thought the sun was falling out of the sky... :)

Design your own headphones!

http://ifrogz.com/earpollution/

Yo momma....

so stupid, that she stole stuff at the 99 cent store and asked for a receipt.

Lakers beat Clippers in season opener...

http://www.nba.com/games/20091027/LACLAL/gameinfo.html?ls=gt1hp0020900004

Greetings, Earthlings!

Hello! This a blog! See, I'm smart....

That is why you should keep reading this blog....

If you are not American, or haven't been in America for a while, and don't get the title here's the link to find out the (inside) joke:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63FmuKLCrQs

Anyway, I will be updating this regularly, for some more fun, laughs, and even some serious stuff... :O

See you!

:D